Why guilt manipulation doesn't work

Ever been manipulated by guilt? Of course you have. I recently attended a meeting where the moderator began by telling all of us that the goal was unity and that strong individual opinions and disagreements were sinful. The moderator then proceeded toward motions that would force individuals to participate in group activities and even wear clothing dictated by the majority. Well, in short order, the meeting blew up because people were very unhappy. The moderator has since resigned.

What happened? The old saying is "a man convinced against his will is of the same opinion still." The parameters of this group were such that disagreement, even withdrawal, were defined as sin. There wasn't supposed to be any room for individuality (or even grace). But not only was that totally unnecessary (the group really didn't mind people being different) but the leader didn't have the position to mandate such control.

This was a Christian group and its identity was bound to a certain activity that broke tradition and celebrated the Lord's leading for individuals and families. The manipulation didn't work because many of the people had lived their whole lives being manipulated by guilt. They knew who could get by with what and this was something they could resist. The illogic of the situation pitted the "sin of individuality" against the "sin of group think". Because there was no center ground, the tactic didn't work.

So what does this have to do with grace and our message? We believe that Jesus desires intimate personal relationship with each of us and that He leads us differently. That doesn't mean that we abandon groups, in fact that would be against the teaching of Scripture. We are part of the church and He leads His church. What it means is that the Lord is quite capable of doing both. He leads us individually and corporately. Grace allows people to be different together.

But that is not the easiest way, is it? Unity yields to unanimity, or at least conformity, because it is easier to manage a group that looks like it is going the same direction. The difficult truth, for many leaders, is that people who look like they are going the same direction often are not. They may accept the herding, but their hearts chafe. Eventually, they move toward freedom or whatever feels like freedom.

Our goal is to present Christ's leadership as perfect freedom and to help people understand that they do not have to reject Him or His love in order to be free from the control of spiritual manipulators. Jesus is God's grace to - the individual - heart.